Wednesday, April 20, 2011

President Obama: Coal Gives Kids Asthma. NOTE: Does this mean Naughty Kids can sue Santa Claus?

“The challenge with coal is that although it’s very cheap, it’s also dirty. And it can create the kinds of air pollution that not only is contributing to climate change but is also creating asthma for kids nearby,”

Those words were uttered by President Obama today at a Facebook Town Hall meeting. Honest to God. It is true that coal emitting plants may contribute to those who have asthma suffering an bout, but how do you make the leap to "creating asthma"?

Let us put aside the absurdity of the statement and suppose it were an accurate statement. It seems to me that a clever trial attorney (an Obama contributor, of course) would take the time to file a suit against Santa Claus.

Why? Well, if you can conjure a false cause and effect with asthma and coal, certainly you can sue a mythical gift giver that dispenses coal to the "naughty" children in lieu of toys. It would be the greatest class action suit of all time. Exposing children to deadly coal in their stocking? The horror. Just how many children got asthma from that bully, St. Nicholas? And to judge them so harshly too! Innocent children devastated to find coal instead of toys. Imagine the permanent emotional damage they endured from that mean old man.  Surely, he should've considered their self esteem.

Santa's got to be loaded so what a fat target now that the President has id'd coal with an affliction like asthma. What about the elves working near the coal mines at the North Pole? And where's the A.S.P.C? The reindeer have suffered its spewage as well. P.E.T.A needs to have another semi nude Pam Anderson "Save the Reindeer" campaign. After all, why should the polar bear get all the attention? And hey, unlike polar bears the reindeer can fly.Surely there must be few remaining and qualify as "endangered",so all the more reason for the campaign.

Hell, we haven't even gotten around to what the E.P.A. could do to them. If the polar caps are melting maybe Santa's workshop needs to be shutdown. At the very least it has got to be a treasure trove of safety violations. OSHA? We could go on and on and on.

Obviously, this is an absurdity. Just fun as I said, but it's not funny to concoct asthma as a by product of mining for coal. That's either a foolish, uninformed error or an effort to undermine a vital industry essential for the nations future success. Of course he has been quite hostile to coal in the past and has said that utility bills must "necessarily skyrocket" in his efforts to prop up green energy alternatives. We'll see if he corrects the record, but in the meantime, Santa should be on the lookout for process servers.

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